5 Unbelievable Pregnancy Encounters

There are so many things I thought were exaggerated about pregnancy before I was pregnant.  Now, I get it.  I would like to say that I was expecting them but some things are so out there, that until they actually happened I’m pretty sure it never even crossed my mind.  Mind. Blown.  Here are just a few of my favorite moments I’ve experienced in pregnancy so far.

I’m a fragile little lamb-  It seems that once you hit the “whoa baby” noticeable stage people are so afraid of breaking you.  For instance, I’m not sure if it’s more about liability at work but people are afraid if I walk fast, drop something on the ground or get up to do something.  It’s pretty comical, in fact.  It’s such a nice feeling to have people at work give a damn that it almost makes me want to play along… Yes, I am in fact Queen of All Pregnant Ladies and you are my subjects.  Haha  But then I snap out of it and think, hey I’m still normal, just makin a human over here.  I’m perfectly capable of picking up my pen…. Well most times, unless I’m sitting at a table and if you’ve ever tried to put a purse or beach ball on your lap and bend over you know physics are not working in your favor. 

Virtual strangers touching my belly-  Now, I have to say at 34 weeks to the day I’ve avoided this so far.  I was seriously hoping it was a complete myth.  Unfortunately, I’m here to tell you that it happens.  It has happened to me and it will, most likely, happen to you.  Today, my friends, my belly was patted for the first time with a loving look from a gentleman I work with.  To say I was shocked, would be an understatement.  Not only did I get an unsuspecting pat, but I also got a “look at you” comment.  Double whammy.  My FB post went a little something like this:

Comments about the size/shape of my belly- Twice, people have made comments about my belly and have *barely* lived to tell the tale.  No, sample lady at Costco, I am not having twins but thank you again for the lovely TWO samples you insisted I take.  Yes, outspoken TSA Man, I am having a girl and thank you so much for your observation that I am carrying high.  FML.  I feel like that youtube kid on drugs after the dentist.  Is this really real?  Yes, yes it is.  I can’t make this up.
 

People sharing their stories with me- Thank you for enlightening me on your birthing experience even though I didn’t ask.  I loved hearing about your episiotomy and how that went.  *warning, do not google it* Oh, I’m so sorry your drugs wore off mid-pushing and you felt everything.  Wow, you went natural and really think I should too.  Thanks for your thoughts.  Shoot. Me. Now.

My life is over-  This may be my favorite of all moments.  When a haggard, yet seemingly put together woman proceeds to tell me what I have NO idea what I’m in for and that I better appreciate every late morning and free moment of my time because it will NEVER happen again.  Wow, first of all, let me say I’m sorry for you.  Truly.  I appreciate the concern on making sure I soak up all experiences now before our lives change forever, but I’m good.  You may believe I live in Never Never Land, but I assure you that I currently reside in California and am well aware of the changes my life will encounter.  However, and this may be the smug new parent in me, I fully believe that after the first couple (6) months of newborn haze that I’ll be ok.  My life will never be the “same” but that’s ok.  I know wine night with the girls, date nights with the hubby and a general life will be mine again.  So, thanks for trying to scare the beegeesus out of me but I’m good.

In closing, I’d like to offer some of the only things you should say to a pregnant woman- like EVER:

• You’re simply glowing
• Congratulations!

• You look so amazing

• How exciting, I hope everything is amazing for you

• You are going to be such a fantastic mother

Until next time...

 

 

Frank Fridays | Giggles & Galas

You made it!  It's officially TGI-FRIDAY!  Make that #bluefriday for all of my fellow Hawks fans!  Holla!  My Instagram feed has been blowing up with all sorts of Hawk love and it just makes my heart happy!

This weekend should be one for the books!  Today is the *almost* last day at my current temp assignment and if you read the last Frank Friday you'll understand how excited and giggly I am!  Also, the reason I'm ending early is that I have procured myself an amazing temp-to-hire, full time position with much better hours and pay at a seriously rad company!  I mean, when they tell me there's beer in the fridge and it's ok to drink it, there's a ping pong table in the building and I can bring my dog to work- I pretty much fell in love.  I was going to work there, whether they knew it or not.  Luckily, I didn't have to go all stalker status on me because they checked the "yes" box on yours truly!  Score!

So, Sunday is actually my truly last day for my current assignment.  Sunday!?!  Yes, Sunday.  There is a super fancy Gala that I've been helping with for that will finally come to fruition this weekend!  Don't worry, D has a fancy suit and I broke down and got the cutest maternity dress I could find for this shin-dig!  Who says bumps aren't stylish?  I'm starting to beg to differ!  Either way, as official DD for the next couple of months, I'm going to dawn my best people watching skills while the boat parties the night away!  It should be a stellar event.... and then I'm DONE!  Yeay!

Cheers to a Hawks "W", a great Gala and new opportunities on Monday!  Have a fantastic weekend, and don't forget to be frank!

Until next time...

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Frank Fridays: #lifehacks

Happy Freaking Friday!!!  Today is a great day for many reasons but the most important three are:

• It's Friday!
• Thanks to the legging trend I wear yoga pants to work!
• Today is the last day at my current job!

Can I just tell you how excited and free I feel?

 I've been pretty good about not talking about my current job on here, or to anyone except close friends/my hubby and I'll keep it that way.  Let's just say that no one quits a job because they love it?  Am I right?  Today I feel the weight of the world lifting off of my shoulders.  I feel my creative juices returning to normal levels.  I feel my soul remembering that it exists!  Yeay, me!

I don't think I told you yet that I did get another job!  I actually got it the day before I turned in my resignation!  In a tiny tiny town, word travels fast and opportunities usually fall into your lap even before you know you need them! #closingdoormeetopenwindow   I'm happy to report that I'll be working at the hardware store in town.  Yes, you read that right... I will be working at a hardware store.  hahaha- stop laughing.  Unless you're minion laughing because those little twinkies with eyes sing my heart song!  

This is not the hardware store, this is just too adorable for words.  #you'rewelcome

The owners of the store are amazing people, who just happen to be friends with my in-laws.  I married up, folks!  I'm so excited to be able to work with people in a more relaxed setting, have easy work that doesn't make me stay until all hours of the night and it comes with a pretty rad view!  While I'm not going to be a hardware connoisseur, I'm going to check you out like a champ (minds out of the gutter people) and point you to an owner for the hard questions!   I've already learned what a carriage bolt is and the different between brite, stainless steal and galvanized.  Booyah, owned you.  This is going to be fun, check out my new view!

So yesterday I tweeted this:


I know I might be late to the party on this one, shocker, but I am seriously excited about this life hack!  Yoga pants to work... sign me up!  With the whole leggings trend, yoga pants have become an acceptable form of work pant and I couldn't be happier!  I really hope that's not just in Cordova.






Think about this, leggings look great on almost anyone... well, I take that back, I've seen the funny "as seen in Wal*Mart" sites and if you could run a mile being chased by zombies, you can probably pull off yoga pants.  I'm pretty sure they were sent from God in a vision to the fashion designers to compensate for all of the trends that only look good seriously skinny people with no boobs!  #ihaveboobspeople!  But seriously, boxy and flowy shirts are a great idea until they just hang off of your lady shelves making you look like you're wearing a box.  Not attractive.  And can we talk about half shirts coming back- wait, let's not and pretend that's not happening.  Yoga pants, on the other hand, hug your J.Lo making you feel like you're wearing a sexy cat woman suit.  Anyone?  No...?  Just me... ok, whatevs!

Either way you look at it, today is a good day.  Happy Frank Friday y'all!!  Now go out there and be frank!

Until next time...

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Holiday Party Navigation Guide

Holiday work parties... you either love them, hate them or go because you're obligated.  I usually choose to go, well, because I like fun.  Also, the Christmas spirit runs through my veins making me love any and all things Christmas.  Since this is the season of giving, I've created a list of all the different types of people attending said parties to help navigate your way through even the most awkward holiday gatherings!  Unsolicited advice?  I'm you're girl!  You're welcome :)

The Bahumbug aka Scrooge

This person falls under the obligated category.  They are here out of a) being guilted into coming, b) free food/booze or c) they are obligated due to their position in the company.  I'm convinced that some people just dont like fun.  period. 

My Advice: Steer clear.  They don't want to talk to you and they're probably going to ruin your buzz.

The Token Drunk

I'm not saying this is good or bad... it is what it is.  This person can start out really fun and full of the Christmas spirit and then, well they get full of another, maybe multiple spirits.

My Advice: If they can hold their own and you feel like jumping on Santa's sleigh to party down, have at it but once they trade Santa's sleigh for Santa's lap... swim away!! 


The Lonely Coworker
There's always one.  Man, woman or child (child?) that doesn't have a date to the holiday party and instead of embracing this, they are two bitter comments away from Ebineaser status.  Whether it's their love of cats or inappropriate clothing after a certain age, this person wanted a date and unfortunately has none.

My Advice: Unless you want to talk cat litter and alimony payments, use caution.  Although they could start buying drinks for a sympathetic ear.  Drink up but watch for the signs, when the cat lady starts slurring they have taken a left turn into the "token" land.  That's your cue to scoot!

The Frenemy

Much like a white elephant gift, this person can fool you into thinking they are something desirable.  Be warned, even through your candy cane goggles and eggnog induced pleasantries this person is not what they seem.  They may cozy up by the fire with you, but you will be the one getting burned!

My Advice: Danger Will Robinson!  This person may look like your bff and you may have a jolly good time sipping cocktails and commenting on people's ugly sweaters they didn't know they were wearing but come Monday at 8am, it's on like Donkey Kong!  Don't get loose lips, this "friend" may turn back into a foe at the stroke of midnight, Christmas cheer be damned.


The Host(ess)

via

The Host(ess) has a lot riding on this party.  They have put their blood, sweat and gum drop tears into making sure they spread Christmas cheer for all to hear.  This can go two ways: 1) they are the perfect host, keeping your glass full and fluttering around the room to save you from awkward social situations and make sure you have delicious hor d'oeuvres at all times or.... 2) they are a neurotic, stressed mess of a person that will ask you if you like their food every 20 seconds and rope you into helping with EVERYTHING.  Either way, feel free to put them in the line of fire if you get caught in an undesirable conversation- it's their party and their duty to take the hit.  #you'rewelcome

My Advice: Proceed with caution.  Gauge the situation, smile and overall aura of the host.  Real smile and seemingly well organized party, enjoy freely... fake smile and snarky comments- RUN!

via

Ol' St. Nick
Otherwise called the creepy old guy who drank a little too much eggnog and now wants you to sit on his lap and tell Santa what you want for Christmas. *shudder* Sweet old man by day and seedy Bad Santa by night, this man is hard to spot.  Just like the O.F.M (Original Fat Man) you never quite know who or where he is.  Beware, this is not one magical gift of sugar plums you're gonna want to see!

My Advice: When the switch flips and you see mistletoe come out avoid at all costs unless you want to be his ho, ho, ho.  P.S. If he comes dressed as Santa, don't wait for the switch, he's already flipped!


The Christmas Elf
This person loves Christmas and will go around the party spreading Christmas cheer!  Smiling is their favorite!  This person probably had the best ugly sweater on purpose and is graciously embodying the true meaning of Christmas without losing the reason for the season!  While slightly annoying, this person may be the life of the party in a good way and as an added bonus, they are like kryptonite to their Scrooge-like counter parts.

My Advice: As a fellow Elf, I applaud this person and encourage you to hangout with them!  They may seem to be a bit much, but seeing is not believing... believing is seeing and they know this. 


Ta-dahhhh!  That is my Christmas gift to you blogland!  There are always different types of people at work parties and hopefully this guide will give you a heads up on who to friend and who to block!

Now don't be a cotton-headed ninnymoggins, go mingle!!

Until next time...

Call me, stalk you!

Hello!  I am finally back among the living and only slightly under the weather.  This last week gave me plenty of time to catch up on my shows and spend way too much time on the internet!

Speaking of....  Have you ever wondered if people are Facebook stalking you?  Have you ever wondered why you were looking at one person's page and 10min later are looking at their brother's cousin's friend's boyfriend's page?  Well, D and I came up with an interesting list of reasons why we think people stalk/get stalked...  enjoy!  Yes, these are really the types of conversations we have...

Top ten reasons why people look at your Facebook in no particular order:

1.  To see your house and how it's decorated

2.  To see if you're making more money than they are- dolla dolla bills y'all!

3.  To check out your significant other- Heeeeyy Hotties!

4.  To see if you've gotten fat after college, I'll save you the look... yes I have :)
5.  To *innocently* see what you're up to

6.  To see if you've procreated yet

7.  To see your relationship status

8.  Stalking an ex. Don't lie.

9.  To see the places you've vacationed and secretly dream of going there too!

10.  Just to make sure you're still friends....

Come on and fess up that you're either laughing because you do it, or... yep, you've done it! 
What are some reasons you stalk? 

Happy Stalking!

Until next time...

Frank Fridays: Wrong Side of the Universe

Happy Friday!

So, I'm pretty sure I woke up- or was woken up- on the wrong side of the universe today.  Yes, I said universe... no, I'm not being dramatic.  Let's just take a looksey, shall we?  You be the judge.  *Warning, this is long*

6:30am- ring, ring... Look at my phone thinking it's my alarm but why is it making that god awful noise?  Oh yeah, I forgot to put on a cool ringer and then omg who is calling me at this ungodly hour?  I already know the answer- "Hi mom... what".  No, it wasn't very nice. On the other end of the phone I hear in a chipper Wisconsin meets Starbucks venti quad more caffine than I drink in a month voice that says "Oh my God, you're not up yet?  What time is it?  Why aren't you up?".  While a few superlatives run through my brain, I manage "It's 6:30am Mom and I don't get up until 7.  What do you want?"  Sidenote, for all of you that just had an "ah hah" moment to why I'm always late- you're completely correct.  I value my bed more than I value curled hair, breakfast, mascara sometimes and getting to work on time.  You caught me.  Either way, this thrilling conversation with my Mother continued for a good 5 min before she let me go.  Ps- Mom, if you're reading this.  I wasn't awake and I have no idea what we spoke about.  Love you!  *rolling over to go back to sleep*

6:40am- *door creaks open, light pours in from the hall and I hear my Husband before he says anything*  "Babe, can you please give me a ride to work?  At this point I'm blinded by rage, seeing red, ready to kill and D, all of the above... this is when a few superlatives DID come out.  I mean stop collaborate and listen... you mean to tell me that out of the 50 people on the boat, 25 of which live within 100 yards of us you can't find ONE person driving to the SAME BOAT as you, at the SAME TIME!?  I should mention there's one boat in Cordova, they all go in at the same time and I looked out the window to see um....  10 cars on and driving by/getting ready/warming up!!  Yeah, that just happened.  Then, my lovely husband realizes he's awoken the sleeping devil grizzley bear and tries to correct his mistake by saying "Oh, there's Vince and his car is on so I'll just see if I can catch a ride"...  oh no, no, no Mister.  I'm already up and storming to the car.  It's too late to salvage.  Needless to say it was a quiet car ride.

6:50am- Get back into bed.  Decide to hell with my hair and make up and set alarm for 7:15.  Roll over, get comfy and tell myself that when I wake up, I'm going to have a better day.  I have to.  I say this not for myself but for every living person I come into contact with today.  Did I mention I'm an Admin Asst at a school?  Yeah, this could be dangerous.

7:15- Swear at alarm, and dog, and swear that it isn't time yet.  It's time.  So I get up, shower *do not shave my legs as punishment and defiance*, blare some music sorry neighbor who doesn't work, try out a new make up "look" and decide today is the morning I am going to try the "sock bun".  Yes, I'm certifiably crazy or very very sleep deprived at this point.  Looking back, I may thought that I was dreaming and this was all going to work out fabulously for the red carpet I was walking? 

7:45- Cut sock, put hair in pony tail, look at tutorial ONE more time and execute.  FAIL.  No... EPIC FAIL.  Yes I took a picture, no you can't see it.  Let's just say it was a fail with a doughnut on the top of my head that looked NOTHING like the pretty ballerinas or super fashionable ladies I see sporting these all the time.  Effortless- my arse.

Can I just tell you that this marked the second Pinterest fail in less than 12 hours.  Yeah, I tried to make those cookie meets brownie and has oreo babies dessert that looked so good over at Wifessionals.  Of course, I had to semi-homake it, because I'm "Annalee" if you don't get the pun, never mind.  Let me tell you, they are not for me.  I lurve each item separately, but when placed together all I tasted was sugary rich yuckiness.  I needed a gallon of milk to recover, and I'm lactose intolerant!  It was bad... so I sent them to the boat!  Waste not, want not.  You're welcome boys!    

So this is how the story morning ends... I'm late to work, sleep deprived, there was no time for my Spark (healthy coffee with vitamins) and I look like a homeless person.  Today is going to be fantastic! *sarcasm dripping like venom from my smile* 

...And then someone says the nicest things to me, making me put down my hateraide and reminding me that things could be a lot worse.  Like, a lot worse.  However, don't think I'm not reaching for wine the second I get off!  Have a great Friday and don't forget to be frank!

How's your Friday?  Have you tried a sock bun?  Can you bring me coffee??  Please?

Link up and tell me all about it!

Until next time...

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Love you long time!

Monday, September 16: Write a public love letter to someone in your life. (It doesn't necessarily need to be romantic.)


Dear Kelsey, Amy, Jessica, Donald and all other secret party agents,

I would like to confess my undying love for all of you.  Not only have you proven just how much you love me, but you have proven that you are truly ninja worthy.  I have to thank each one of you for working with my amazing Husband on this secret party extravaganza to welcome me into my 30's properly.

I would like to tell you all how thankful that I am that you have kept my sweet, well meaning other half on path for a ladies birthday party instead of a Joe Dirt fiasco.  While he means well, my better half gets very excited about themes and may or may not have gone a little off course by himself.  I would also like to state that you ladies have made sure that no toilet bowls will be present for food items to be eaten out of, and for that.... I am TRULY thankful for.

While I do not know much about this secret (or not so secret) birthday bash I do know all of you.  You are the most amazing women and I am truly blessed to have you in my life.  You are always there for me when I need you and are already making me feel like the luckiest *almost* 30yr old ever!  I am truly honored to call you friend and I will work tirelessly to make sure you know just how much I appreciate and love all of you!

Here's to 30!  


To My Husband,

Thank you for taking on my birthday and making me feel so special.  It warms my heart that you are taking such an interest, putting in the time and really trying to make everything perfect for this epic event.  You may or may not have gone a little crazy with the "dirty" in Dirty Thirty, but I love your childlike enthusiasm!!  I am so blessed to call you Husband and feel like the luckiest wife in the world!  Also, thanks for figuring out what this Pinterest thing is and stalking me on it.  You should be given a medal for listening to my birthday demands and dealing with my amazing, crazy, oh so excitable friends.  But let's be serious- you like it!

Of course I could go on and on and on about how much I love you and the rest of my friends but then I would expose more of my secrets and knowledge and we can't have that.

Yours Truly,
Better Spy Than You

Ps.  I know everything.  :)

Until next time... 

El Presidente!

Monday, September 9: Take this short personality test and respond to your results.

Humanmetrics Jung Typology Test™

Your Type

ENFJ

Extravert(33%)  iNtuitive(38%)  Feeling(38%)  Judging(22%)

• You have moderate preference of Extraversion over Introversion (33%)
• You have moderate preference of Intuition over Sensing (38%)
• You have moderate preference of Feeling over Thinking (38%)
• You have slight preference of Judging over Perceiving (22%)

via Google

     "ENFJs are the benevolent 'pedagogues' of humanity. They have tremendous charisma by which many are drawn into their nurturant tutelage and/or grand schemes. Many ENFJs have tremendous power to manipulate others with their phenomenal interpersonal skills and unique salesmanship. But it's usually not meant as manipulation -- ENFJs generally believe in their dreams, and see themselves as helpers and enablers, which they usually are.

      ENFJs are global learners. They see the big picture. The ENFJs focus is expansive. Some can juggle an amazing number of responsibilities or projects simultaneously. Many ENFJs have tremendous entrepreneurial ability.

      ENFJs are, by definition, Js, with whom we associate organization and decisiveness... ENFJs are organized in the arena of interpersonal affairs. Their offices may or may not be cluttered, but their conclusions (reached through feelings) about people and motives are drawn much more quickly and are more resilient.

    ENFJs know and appreciate people. Like most NFs, (and Feelers in general), they are apt to neglect themselves and their own needs for the needs of others. They have thinner psychological boundaries than most, and are at risk for being hurt or even abused by less sensitive people. ENFJs often take on more of the burdens of others than they can bear. "

So what you're saying is I'm a judger shocker, not, who manipulates with my powers of good and appreciation of people?  Sounds about right!  So from this I gather I can rule with world through manipulation, love and charisma by always being 5 steps ahead of everyone else due to my amazing intuition.  Yep.  Completely right.  I am a super hero. 

Want to psychoanalyze me more?  I got the description and more, here!

Career Choices for Your Type

Social Services

Counseling

Psychology

Social Work

Technical/Science

Science 

Computer Programming

Management

Management

Fashion Merchandise

Politics

Famous Personalities Sharing Your Type

• Bill Clinton, the 42nd President of the United States
• Tony Blair, the Prime Minister of Great Britain from 1997 to 2007
• Clara Barton, the founder of the American Red Cross
• Ronald Reagan, the 40th President of the United States

So really, what I got from this is I am going to be the first female leader of the free world.  You can cast your votes in the next election.  Your patronage is welcome and appreciated!

Not so much?  Treason! Is Mexico hiring?

Until next time, America...