Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Holiday Party Navigation Guide

Holiday work parties... you either love them, hate them or go because you're obligated.  I usually choose to go, well, because I like fun.  Also, the Christmas spirit runs through my veins making me love any and all things Christmas.  Since this is the season of giving, I've created a list of all the different types of people attending said parties to help navigate your way through even the most awkward holiday gatherings!  Unsolicited advice?  I'm you're girl!  You're welcome :)

The Bahumbug aka Scrooge
This person falls under the obligated category.  They are here out of a) being guilted into coming, b) free food/booze or c) they are obligated due to their position in the company.  I'm convinced that some people just dont like fun.  period. 

My Advice: Steer clear.  They don't want to talk to you and they're probably going to ruin your buzz.

The Token Drunk
I'm not saying this is good or bad... it is what it is.  This person can start out really fun and full of the Christmas spirit and then, well they get full of another, maybe multiple spirits.

My Advice: If they can hold their own and you feel like jumping on Santa's sleigh to party down, have at it but once they trade Santa's sleigh for Santa's lap... swim away!! 

The Lonely Coworker
There's always one.  Man, woman or child (child?) that doesn't have a date to the holiday party and instead of embracing this, they are two bitter comments away from Ebineaser status.  Whether it's their love of cats or inappropriate clothing after a certain age, this person wanted a date and unfortunately has none.
11 Best Pics of the Crazy Cat Lady Meme
My Advice: Unless you want to talk cat litter and alimony payments, use caution.  Although they could start buying drinks for a sympathetic ear.  Drink up but watch for the signs, when the cat lady starts slurring they have taken a left turn into the "token" land.  That's your cue to scoot!

The Frenemy
Much like a white elephant gift, this person can fool you into thinking they are something desirable.  Be warned, even through your candy cane goggles and eggnog induced pleasantries this person is not what they seem.  They may cozy up by the fire with you, but you will be the one getting burned!

My Advice: Danger Will Robinson!  This person may look like your bff and you may have a jolly good time sipping cocktails and commenting on people's ugly sweaters they didn't know they were wearing but come Monday at 8am, it's on like Donkey Kong!  Don't get loose lips, this "friend" may turn back into a foe at the stroke of midnight, Christmas cheer be damned.

The Host(ess)
Stressed Christmas hostess
The Host(ess) has a lot riding on this party.  They have put their blood, sweat and gum drop tears into making sure they spread Christmas cheer for all to hear.  This can go two ways: 1) they are the perfect host, keeping your glass full and fluttering around the room to save you from awkward social situations and make sure you have delicious hor d'oeuvres at all times or.... 2) they are a neurotic, stressed mess of a person that will ask you if you like their food every 20 seconds and rope you into helping with EVERYTHING.  Either way, feel free to put them in the line of fire if you get caught in an undesirable conversation- it's their party and their duty to take the hit.  #you'rewelcome

My Advice: Proceed with caution.  Gauge the situation, smile and overall aura of the host.  Real smile and seemingly well organized party, enjoy freely... fake smile and snarky comments- RUN!

Ol' St. Nick
Otherwise called the creepy old guy who drank a little too much eggnog and now wants you to sit on his lap and tell Santa what you want for Christmas. *shudder* Sweet old man by day and seedy Bad Santa by night, this man is hard to spot.  Just like the O.F.M (Original Fat Man) you never quite know who or where he is.  Beware, this is not one magical gift of sugar plums you're gonna want to see!

My Advice: When the switch flips and you see mistletoe come out avoid at all costs unless you want to be his ho, ho, ho.  P.S. If he comes dressed as Santa, don't wait for the switch, he's already flipped!

Buddy the Elf quote: The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear. The Christmas Elf
This person loves Christmas and will go around the party spreading Christmas cheer!  Smiling is their favorite!  This person probably had the best ugly sweater on purpose and is graciously embodying the true meaning of Christmas without losing the reason for the season!  While slightly annoying, this person may be the life of the party in a good way and as an added bonus, they are like kryptonite to their Scrooge-like counter parts.

My Advice: As a fellow Elf, I applaud this person and encourage you to hangout with them!  They may seem to be a bit much, but seeing is not believing... believing is seeing and they know this. 

Ta-dahhhh!  That is my Christmas gift to you blogland!  There are always different types of people at work parties and hopefully this guide will give you a heads up on who to friend and who to block!

Now don't be a cotton-headed ninnymoggins, go mingle!!

Until next time...


  1. Hahaha, this is a pretty great guide! For years as a ballet teacher the cast of Christmas parties was always just sugar high kids, but this year going to my husband's research-group of young Germans who keep the fridge in their breakroom stocked with beer, it's sure to be interesting.

    1. So glad you liked it!! Was it true?! :)