Dear Blog,
I miss you. I miss the time I used to have to focus on you, b*tch about my work and other life things. I miss being able to spend countless hours researching how to grow you, make pictures beautiful for you and devote time to JUST you... well, me really.
However, things have changed. I'm breaking up with you. Ok, not really but I'm temporarily putting on hold the expectations that I once had for you. I do promise to spend more time on you, but it wont be enough time. It will never be enough time. It will be just enough time to have a written journal of our life to look back on because Lord knows I don't have the memory for it all.
You see, there's this girl. She's my tiny human and she's really more important than you if we're being honest... and I'm always honest, to a fault. Getting up for work at 5am, feeding her at 6 and on to my commute, just to spend a day at work, commute home, feed her, feed me, get things ready for the next day, pump, go to bed at 9ish and wake up to feed her before continuing my nap just doesn't leave enough time for you. I am hopeful that on weekends when the tiny human is napping I may be able to spend time with you and then I think I hear the voice of the washing machine and I'm not so sure. Also, on these weekends I need to soak up as much of the tiny human's time and essence as I can. I may even try to see this giant ball of light in the sky people keep telling me about...I'm not convinced.
So, my dear friend, I can promise you this. I will commit to trying to make more time for you but I can promise you that I love you, and miss you, and will one day be able to nurture you like the diamond seedling you are.
Until next time my friend...
Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts
Friday, June 5, 2015
Wednesday, December 17, 2014
5 Unbelievable Pregnancy Encounters
There are so many things I thought were exaggerated about
pregnancy before I was pregnant. Now, I
get it. I would like to say that I was
expecting them but some things are so out there, that until they actually happened
I’m pretty sure it never even crossed my mind.
Mind. Blown. Here are just a few
of my favorite moments I’ve experienced in pregnancy so far.
I’m a fragile little lamb-
It seems that once you hit the “whoa baby” noticeable stage people are
so afraid of breaking you. For instance,
I’m not sure if it’s more about liability at work but people are afraid if I
walk fast, drop something on the ground or get up to do something. It’s pretty comical, in fact. It’s such a nice feeling to have people at
work give a damn that it almost makes me want to play along… Yes, I am in fact
Queen of All Pregnant Ladies and you are my subjects. Haha
But then I snap out of it and think, hey I’m still normal, just makin a
human over here. I’m perfectly capable
of picking up my pen…. Well most times, unless I’m sitting at a table and if
you’ve ever tried to put a purse or beach ball on your lap and bend over you
know physics are not working in your favor.
Virtual strangers touching my belly-
Now, I have to say at 34 weeks to the day I’ve avoided this so far. I was seriously hoping it was a complete
myth. Unfortunately, I’m here to tell
you that it happens. It has happened to
me and it will, most likely, happen to you.
Today, my friends, my belly was patted for the first time with a loving
look from a gentleman I work with. To
say I was shocked, would be an understatement.
Not only did I get an unsuspecting pat, but I also got a “look at you” comment. Double whammy. My FB post went a little something like this:
Comments about the size/shape of my belly- Twice, people have made comments about my belly and have *barely* lived to tell the tale. No, sample lady at Costco, I am not having twins but thank you again for the lovely TWO samples you insisted I take. Yes, outspoken TSA Man, I am having a girl and thank you so much for your observation that I am carrying high. FML. I feel like that youtube kid on drugs after the dentist. Is this really real? Yes, yes it is. I can’t make this up.
People sharing their stories with me- Thank you for
enlightening me on your birthing experience even though I didn’t ask. I loved hearing about your episiotomy and how
that went. *warning, do not google it*
Oh, I’m so sorry your drugs wore off mid-pushing and you felt everything. Wow, you went natural and really think I
should too. Thanks for your
thoughts. Shoot. Me. Now.
I’m a fragile little lamb-
It seems that once you hit the “whoa baby” noticeable stage people are
so afraid of breaking you. For instance,
I’m not sure if it’s more about liability at work but people are afraid if I
walk fast, drop something on the ground or get up to do something. It’s pretty comical, in fact. It’s such a nice feeling to have people at
work give a damn that it almost makes me want to play along… Yes, I am in fact
Queen of All Pregnant Ladies and you are my subjects. Haha
But then I snap out of it and think, hey I’m still normal, just makin a
human over here. I’m perfectly capable
of picking up my pen…. Well most times, unless I’m sitting at a table and if
you’ve ever tried to put a purse or beach ball on your lap and bend over you
know physics are not working in your favor.
Virtual strangers touching my belly-
Now, I have to say at 34 weeks to the day I’ve avoided this so far. I was seriously hoping it was a complete
myth. Unfortunately, I’m here to tell
you that it happens. It has happened to
me and it will, most likely, happen to you.
Today, my friends, my belly was patted for the first time with a loving
look from a gentleman I work with. To
say I was shocked, would be an understatement.
Not only did I get an unsuspecting pat, but I also got a “look at you” comment. Double whammy. My FB post went a little something like this:
Comments about the size/shape of my belly- Twice, people have made comments about my belly and have *barely* lived to tell the tale. No, sample lady at Costco, I am not having twins but thank you again for the lovely TWO samples you insisted I take. Yes, outspoken TSA Man, I am having a girl and thank you so much for your observation that I am carrying high. FML. I feel like that youtube kid on drugs after the dentist. Is this really real? Yes, yes it is. I can’t make this up.
People sharing their stories with me- Thank you for
enlightening me on your birthing experience even though I didn’t ask. I loved hearing about your episiotomy and how
that went. *warning, do not google it*
Oh, I’m so sorry your drugs wore off mid-pushing and you felt everything. Wow, you went natural and really think I
should too. Thanks for your
thoughts. Shoot. Me. Now.
My life is over- This
may be my favorite of all moments. When
a haggard, yet seemingly put together woman proceeds to tell me what I have NO
idea what I’m in for and that I better appreciate every late morning and free
moment of my time because it will NEVER happen again. Wow, first of all, let me say I’m sorry for
you. Truly. I appreciate the concern on making sure I
soak up all experiences now before our lives change forever, but I’m good. You may believe I live in Never Never Land,
but I assure you that I currently reside in California and am well aware of the
changes my life will encounter. However,
and this may be the smug new parent in me, I fully believe that after the first
couple (6) months of newborn haze that I’ll be ok. My life will never be the “same” but that’s
ok. I know wine night with the girls,
date nights with the hubby and a general life will be mine again. So, thanks for trying to scare the beegeesus
out of me but I’m good.
In closing, I’d like to offer some of the only things you
should say to a pregnant woman- like EVER:
- You’re simply glowing
- Congratulations!
- You look so amazing
- How exciting, I hope everything is amazing for you
- You are going to be such a fantastic mother
Until next time...
Thursday, August 21, 2014
Making friends is hard...
As I sit here in my quiet house, drinking water and working on my next "bump date" I ponder over a very interesting question... Why is it so hard for adults to make friends? And how the hell do you go about it without a job or child?
Don't get me wrong, I'm pretty sure that if I drug some of these people out of their houses into a social situation, they would see how awesome I am, maybe after they get over the part that I just drug them out of their house? Stranger danger? But that's the touchy part isnt it? Meeting the strangers and turning them into friends.
This is my first time being in a "big" housing complex in a new city. I was fortunate enough that my first military station with my, then boyfriend turned hubby and baby daddy, was in his hometown- hello, instafriends! But this, this is an entirely different ball game. I'm in a new city and state, with no (born) children, in a large housing complex with no job and a husband who's new job has taken him away for two weeks.
Go out, meet people you say... Ok, let's explore that. A) I have no kids, so if I went to the playground and just hangout I'm pretty sure I'd be labeled a weirdo or child molester on site; B) go ok walks with your dog you say- ok, done it, and when I actually have seen people or a group of people while walking I've said hello... And that folks is where it ends. And the almighty C) Booze. Have the neighbors over right? Wrong. Not only can I not partake in what is surely to win me friends, I'm a super fun drunk, I can't even get these people in a corner to invite them over. No other options as of yet. I feel like I have just as much of an opportunity making friends on the subway or bus- and you know how you feel about people talking to you on public transportation- don't lie.
So here I sit... Missing my friends from Cordova and Washington, wishing my husband wasn't gone and hating this blasted weather for making 75 feel like 100... Wondering when another human will get the urge to pick me as their friend. I'll just have to remember when they do not to become a stage 5 clinger!
Is it weird for an adult to run a lemonade stand? Maybe a hard lemonade stand to attract the right crowd? Wait, I think that requires more paperwork... Never mind. I'll just sit here making my cardboard sign that says "Free hugs" and wait for my first taker. That's not weird at all, that's proactive.
Until next time...
Friday, May 2, 2014
Frank Friday: Alaska doesn't count?
Happy Frank Friday!
So there's this common misconception that Texas is the largest state in the US. Well, that may be true for everything under our Canadian neighbors but if you go above the Mason-Dixon Line you'll be reminded who the real giant is, Alaska. Now Alaska is pretty quiet up here and doesn't get too offended anytime someone forgets, they normally just kindly remind the poor soul that Alaska is actually twice the size of Texas and would cover most of the US if placed on top. Here's an illustration if you're a visual person!
Oh, snap. When they say reach out and touch someone they were talkin' about us! You're welcome.
Not cool Burger King, not cool.
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| Not naming source for privacy- from Facebook! |
You think Alaska doesn't count? Let me ask ya this... Do you like "Alaskan" King crab? You can thank Alaska for that! What about Copper River Salmon, heck almost any good salmon, yep- Alaska again. What about some of the best heli-skiing in the world? Yep- that's us! Purple mountains majesty?! OMG, Alaska for the win! And on, and on, and on....
My point, or rant, is simply that while I may be a transplant of this State and laugh about the weather, my Alaskan Native husband and I call it home. I'm all for jokes until somebody counts us out or makes fun of this glorious land. You think there aren't that many people up here in Alaska? Just wait until you piss one off *coughs...Exxon* and then you'll see just how many there are!
Happy Frank Friday! Now go out there, tell Burger King what you think and definitely be frank!!
Until next time...
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