Wednesday, December 17, 2014

5 Unbelievable Pregnancy Encounters

There are so many things I thought were exaggerated about pregnancy before I was pregnant.  Now, I get it.  I would like to say that I was expecting them but some things are so out there, that until they actually happened I’m pretty sure it never even crossed my mind.  Mind. Blown.  Here are just a few of my favorite moments I’ve experienced in pregnancy so far.

I’m a fragile little lamb-  It seems that once you hit the “whoa baby” noticeable stage people are so afraid of breaking you.  For instance, I’m not sure if it’s more about liability at work but people are afraid if I walk fast, drop something on the ground or get up to do something.  It’s pretty comical, in fact.  It’s such a nice feeling to have people at work give a damn that it almost makes me want to play along… Yes, I am in fact Queen of All Pregnant Ladies and you are my subjects.  Haha  But then I snap out of it and think, hey I’m still normal, just makin a human over here.  I’m perfectly capable of picking up my pen…. Well most times, unless I’m sitting at a table and if you’ve ever tried to put a purse or beach ball on your lap and bend over you know physics are not working in your favor. 

Virtual strangers touching my belly-  Now, I have to say at 34 weeks to the day I’ve avoided this so far.  I was seriously hoping it was a complete myth.  Unfortunately, I’m here to tell you that it happens.  It has happened to me and it will, most likely, happen to you.  Today, my friends, my belly was patted for the first time with a loving look from a gentleman I work with.  To say I was shocked, would be an understatement.  Not only did I get an unsuspecting pat, but I also got a “look at you” comment.  Double whammy.  My FB post went a little something like this:

Comments about the size/shape of my belly- Twice, people have made comments about my belly and have *barely* lived to tell the tale.  No, sample lady at Costco, I am not having twins but thank you again for the lovely TWO samples you insisted I take.  Yes, outspoken TSA Man, I am having a girl and thank you so much for your observation that I am carrying high.  FML.  I feel like that youtube kid on drugs after the dentist.  Is this really real?  Yes, yes it is.  I can’t make this up.

People sharing their stories with me- Thank you for enlightening me on your birthing experience even though I didn’t ask.  I loved hearing about your episiotomy and how that went.  *warning, do not google it* Oh, I’m so sorry your drugs wore off mid-pushing and you felt everything.  Wow, you went natural and really think I should too.  Thanks for your thoughts.  Shoot. Me. Now.

My life is over-  This may be my favorite of all moments.  When a haggard, yet seemingly put together woman proceeds to tell me what I have NO idea what I’m in for and that I better appreciate every late morning and free moment of my time because it will NEVER happen again.  Wow, first of all, let me say I’m sorry for you.  Truly.  I appreciate the concern on making sure I soak up all experiences now before our lives change forever, but I’m good.  You may believe I live in Never Never Land, but I assure you that I currently reside in California and am well aware of the changes my life will encounter.  However, and this may be the smug new parent in me, I fully believe that after the first couple (6) months of newborn haze that I’ll be ok.  My life will never be the “same” but that’s ok.  I know wine night with the girls, date nights with the hubby and a general life will be mine again.  So, thanks for trying to scare the beegeesus out of me but I’m good.

In closing, I’d like to offer some of the only things you should say to a pregnant woman- like EVER:
  • You’re simply glowing
  • Congratulations!
  • You look so amazing
  • How exciting, I hope everything is amazing for you
  • You are going to be such a fantastic mother

Until next time...


1 comment:

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