Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Undercover Ninja

Did you know that I possess the speed of a mongoose and kill instinct of a great white shark?  Well, if you weren’t privy to this information it’s probably because you weren’t my latest victim.  Let me tell you about my victim.   I’ll give you a hint:

It was hairy, laid millions of babies at a time and always knows how to scare the begeezus out of me at the most inconvenient times.  That’s right folks, I’m talking about our good ‘ol 8 legged friend- the spider.

Ever since I was little I can remember not liking the creatures.  They are super fast, come out of nowhere and seriously- who needs like 16 eyeballs?!  *shudder*  Not me!  I think it was their starring role in a little film called Arachnophobia circa 1990 that really sealed the deal.  I’m the first one to say I love John Goodman as much as the next lady but… ahh… I can’t.  I’ve already got the heebeejeebies!  It’s a word- look it up.

Tips on surviving Spider-geddon
   
As I was cleaning the murder scene, I couldn’t help but wonder.  Should I love them because they are one of God’s creatures?  Are they really cute like Charlotte’s Web, just trying to survive and make a life for their families?  Could I co-exist without trying to eradicate them?  Well folks, the answer is a big fat NO.  Point blank.  Sorry big man, and forgive me, but that’s not gonna happen. 

I’m going to keep practicing my awesome ninja skillz and go crazier than a bridezilla on WE every time I see one of those little hairy terrorists.  Maybe I could make a spider workout video?  Interactive?  That sure would get me up and moving! 

Would you buy my video?  Stream it?  Maybe want to come experience for yourself?  Yeah, I’ll keep my day job.  Damn.

Until next time… enjoy the heebeejeebies!

6 comments:

  1. I am SO with you! HATE SPIDERS! Charlotte is the only good one and she lived far away in a barn- where all spiders should stay! They are the reason I despise camping. I may have to blog about my adventures in Girl Scouts- shudder.... Lori

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  2. EWWW! I hate spiders! Luckily... My Little Man comes to the rescue and kills them for me. NO..... I am not ashamed that I hide behind a two year old when I see a spider! LOL

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  3. hey! I'm coming over from Lori's blog! Happy to have found you..where has she been hiding you?! HILARIOUS!

    I found myself thinking the same thing as I swatted a web down from our porch last night..eeekkk. But I have to answer NO as well..just can't love them, although they are amazing little creeps!

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    1. Well HELLO and thanks for stopping by!! Seriously, this post was sponsored by a spider I didn't see until I was um... in an awkward position to kill him in the bathroom. Yeah.... I had reached my limit! hahaha

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  4. This made me laugh! Little hairy terrorists is the best description of a spider ever. I don't mind them as long as they're not ridiculousy huge, it's moths that offend me more - they're furry little terrorists and I just can't bring myself to forgive them for a lifetime of fear!

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    1. Oohhhh... Moths might need their own post. Seriously a whole different category of hairy terrorists!

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