Did you know that I possess the speed of a mongoose and kill instinct of a great white shark? Well, if you weren’t privy to this information it’s probably because you weren’t my latest victim. Let me tell you about my victim. I’ll give you a hint:
It was hairy, laid millions of babies at a time and always knows how to scare the begeezus out of me at the most inconvenient times. That’s right folks, I’m talking about our good ‘ol 8 legged friend- the spider.
Ever since I was little I can remember not liking the creatures. They are super fast, come out of nowhere and seriously- who needs like 16 eyeballs?! *shudder* Not me! I think it was their starring role in a little film called Arachnophobia circa 1990 that really sealed the deal. I’m the first one to say I love John Goodman as much as the next lady but… ahh… I can’t. I’ve already got the heebeejeebies! It’s a word- look it up.
|Tips on surviving Spider-geddon|
As I was cleaning the murder scene, I couldn’t help but wonder. Should I love them because they are one of God’s creatures? Are they really cute like Charlotte’s Web, just trying to survive and make a life for their families? Could I co-exist without trying to eradicate them? Well folks, the answer is a big fat NO. Point blank. Sorry big man, and forgive me, but that’s not gonna happen.
I’m going to keep practicing my awesome ninja skillz and go crazier than a bridezilla on WE every time I see one of those little hairy terrorists. Maybe I could make a spider workout video? Interactive? That sure would get me up and moving!
Would you buy my video? Stream it? Maybe want to come experience for yourself? Yeah, I’ll keep my day job. Damn.
Until next time… enjoy the heebeejeebies!