Tuesday, January 5, 2016

Lunchtime ponders


As I sit here eating lunch all by myself to the chatter of female coworkers enjoying a lively conversation during their lunch I can’t help but wonder; why not me?  I have a normal job, in a normal (well kind of) office and although I deal with pretty confidential information…I’m still approachable.  Right?  I mean, people tell me I’m fun, I’m on a committee especially designed for fun to which people mistakenly think I’m the “face” because I’m the designated cruise director.  Then I remember a morbid thought about funny people.  How some, not all, funny people in your life are actually the loneliest.  Is that me?  Am I the person invited along because I’m “fun” but not because of an actual mutual desire of friendship?  Am I the entertainer?  But really, am I the kid who moves schools every couple of years and never quite fits in to the “cool crowd”?  Is this secretly why I usually eat at my desk and never really take “lunch”?   Do they see me as all glitter and fluff but no substance?  Can I fix this?  How?  Do I even care to fix this on people who clearly have no interest in digging deeper and getting to know me?  Does this apply to other areas of my life, of my friendships?
So. Many. Questions.