Monday, April 20, 2015

The end is near.

...and just like that my maternity leave is coming to an end.  I have just two short weeks left to wear yoga pants, binge watch tv, eat what/when I want (haha) and snuggle my little lady.

I would like to say that these last few months have flown by and I am dreading May, but the truth is I'm ready to go back.  Gasp!  What did she just say?  Blasphemy!  Yep, I said it.  I'm ready.  I'm ready for adult conversation, I'm ready to be a productive member of this household again and I'm ready to have someone else, other than the cutest little dictator in the world, telling me what to do.

Do you know what I'm NOT ready for...sending her to daycare.  Unfortunately, without any family nearby and me not working not being an option, daycare is our reality.  We have found a daycare that I'm comfortable with after googling, asking friends for recommendations and searching our new city.  Oh yeah, did I tell you we moved?  Story for another day my friend!  Daycare is a harsh reality for a lot of families today so finding the right one is critical.  I will tell you that we walked into one and I would've walked right out if the woman hadn't said hello... yikes.  But, just because we have found a daycare that I'm comfortable with, does not mean that I'm happy to send my precious little bundle of joy there, with strangers, all day, while I work, only to spend a few short hours with her before it's bedtime routine and lights out.  Insert serious mommy guilt here.

As my leave comes to an end I started to panic at all of the new things and routines we will have to do.  Gone are the days of a short, or no, shower, hair in a bun, sleeping until 8:30 (jealous?) and lounging around soaking up time with my baby.  Now I will have to shower everyday, do my hair/makeup, wear real clothes, pack my lunch, get R ready, drop her off, commute to/from work, have dinner ideas ready... whew, I'm exhausted already!  So much has changed since Raegan was born!  It's crazy to think of how much SHE has changed too.  Slow down baby girl, slow down.

So here I sit while the little naps and start to picture what our life will be like in two weeks and I realize that I was wrong.  I'm not ready.  Not even a little bit.

Crap.  I'm crying.  Thanks hormones... you suck.  

I'm going to go stare, in a not so creepy way, at my baby girl.  How could I not when she looks like this?

Until next time...

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