Blogtember: A time I was afraid

Friday, September 6: A story about a time you were very afraid.

This may sound very silly but I can think of one time in my life where I was so scared & lost, that I didn't know if I was going to get through it.  

It was 2008 and I had decided to leave Georgia and my live in boyfriend, who I thought was the love of my life.  I can hear you already... stupid girl, break ups are not the end of the world.  Well, when you move across the nation (I'm from Washington State), having just graduated college with no career, leaving your friends/family and everything you know to follow your boyfriend to medical school who you thought was going to be your Prince Charming, just to find out that A) You hate Georgia *sorry I'm not sorry* B) You cannot live your life for someone else and C) Your relationship is not what you thought it was going to be... it is scary.  When your whole life plan and the only thing you saw in your future is crumbling, it is scary.

  

Have you ever read Eat, Pray, Love?  

"If I love you, you can have everything. You can have my time, my devotion, my ass, my money, my family, my dog, my dog’s money, my dog’s time—everything. If I love you, I will carry for you all your pain, I will assume for you all your debts (in every definition of the word), I will protect you from your own insecurity, I will project upon you all sorts of good qualities that you have never actually cultivated in yourself and I will buy Christmas presents for your entire family. I will give you the sun and the rain, and if they are not available, I will give you a sun check and a rain check. I will give you all this and more, until I get so exhausted and depleted that the only way I can recover my energy is by becoming infatuated with someone else." 

-Eat, Pray, Love

Well, that had become me.  That had consumed me and it scared the hell out of me.  

 

You know what else is scary?  Admitting that I failed.  Admitting that I just didn't have what it took to stick it out and see if it got better.  Admitting that he wasn't enough and that life wasn't what I wanted anymore.  Admitting that I had no idea what I wanted.  Admitting that I had changed.  

 

So what do you do when you've become someone you no longer recognize?  You leave.  And so I did.

 

 I packed up my things into a 10x10 partition on a moving truck, bought my plane ticket, gave up custody on one of my dogs in an effort of peace and moved back home... jobless, defeated and heartbroken with no plans. 

 

That is one of the bravest, and scariest things I have ever done. 

 I firmly believe that everything happens for a reason and without this, I wouldn't have the life I live and cherish today. Without the darkness I would not have found the light. 

 

When were you most afraid?  Did it ultimately make you stronger?  How did you over come it?

Until next time...