Did you know that I possess the speed of a mongoose and kill
instinct of a great white shark? Well,
if you weren’t privy to this information it’s probably because you weren’t my
latest victim. Let me tell you about my
victim. I’ll give you a hint:
It was hairy, laid millions of babies at a time and always
knows how to scare the begeezus out of me at the most inconvenient times. That’s right folks, I’m talking about our
good ‘ol 8 legged friend- the spider.
Ever since I was little I can remember not liking the
creatures. They are super fast, come out
of nowhere and seriously- who needs like 16 eyeballs?! *shudder* Not me! I think it was
their starring role in a little film called Arachnophobia circa 1990 that really
sealed the deal. I’m the first one to say
I love John Goodman as much as the next lady
but… ahh… I can’t. I’ve already got the
heebeejeebies! It’s a word- look it up.
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| Tips on surviving Spider-geddon |
As I was cleaning the murder scene, I couldn’t help but
wonder. Should I love them because they
are one of God’s creatures? Are they
really cute like Charlotte’s Web, just trying to survive and make a life for
their families? Could I co-exist without
trying to eradicate them? Well folks,
the answer is a big fat NO. Point
blank. Sorry big man, and forgive me,
but that’s not gonna happen.
I’m going to keep practicing my awesome ninja skillz and go
crazier than a bridezilla on WE every time I see one of those little hairy
terrorists. Maybe I could make a spider
workout video? Interactive? That sure would get me up and moving!
Would you buy my video?
Stream it? Maybe want to come
experience for yourself? Yeah, I’ll keep
my day job. Damn.
Until next time… enjoy the heebeejeebies!
I am SO with you! HATE SPIDERS! Charlotte is the only good one and she lived far away in a barn- where all spiders should stay! They are the reason I despise camping. I may have to blog about my adventures in Girl Scouts- shudder.... Lori
ReplyDeleteEWWW! I hate spiders! Luckily... My Little Man comes to the rescue and kills them for me. NO..... I am not ashamed that I hide behind a two year old when I see a spider! LOL
ReplyDeletehey! I'm coming over from Lori's blog! Happy to have found you..where has she been hiding you?! HILARIOUS!
ReplyDeleteI found myself thinking the same thing as I swatted a web down from our porch last night..eeekkk. But I have to answer NO as well..just can't love them, although they are amazing little creeps!
Well HELLO and thanks for stopping by!! Seriously, this post was sponsored by a spider I didn't see until I was um... in an awkward position to kill him in the bathroom. Yeah.... I had reached my limit! hahaha
DeleteThis made me laugh! Little hairy terrorists is the best description of a spider ever. I don't mind them as long as they're not ridiculousy huge, it's moths that offend me more - they're furry little terrorists and I just can't bring myself to forgive them for a lifetime of fear!
ReplyDeleteOohhhh... Moths might need their own post. Seriously a whole different category of hairy terrorists!
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